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首页 > 教育培训 > 作者:YD1662023-05-07 19:45:45

中考、高考以及大学四六级英语考试中,常出现这样的作文主题。某项活动即将举办,需要招募一些志愿者,请您撰写一篇志愿者招募信。

以下是一位同学写的作文:

Volunteers Needed

We’re writing this letter to recruit volunteers on summer vocation. And we do hope more students are willing to join us and enjoy this activity joyfully during the following month.

It is necessary for us to show our plans and arrangements to you. Our plan is to set off next weekend, when the summer vacation officially begins. And, our purpose is to service the Olympic Games. The first stop is Nanjing, the world-renowned city for its beauty and mild temperature. We' II get there by train and stay there for 2 days, and then we'll head for Shanghai. After a 3-day stay there, we will give the coaches there a hand so that the game can be held smoothly. As everybody knows, Shanghai is the busiest city in this game, where we will undertake a lot of work, so the stay there will be about half a week. All together, our trip will last about three weeks.

Only these who have passed CET-4 and have kind-heart can apply for membership of the volunteers. If anybody are interested in this activities, please contact with the students union of our university.

We’re sincerely welcome yours and just take action.

作文点评:

Volunteers Needed

We’re writing this letter to recruit volunteers on summer vocation. And we do hope more students are willing to join us and enjoy this activity joyfully during the following month.

现在信件已经较少用了,发布招聘广告可能更多会使用email或者公众号,所以建议将letter改为email或post。

第一句建议这样改:

We’re writing this email to recruit volunteers for the upcoming (即将到来的) Olympic Games during the summer vocation.

第二句,书面作文尽量避免用And作为句子开头,太口语化。Enjoy this activity joyfully这样的表达太累赘,enjoy与joyfully都表达了开心的意思。

建议这样改:

We do hope to see many students joining us. Your active participation in this activity will be highly appreciated.

It is necessary for us to show our plans and arrangements to you. Our plan is to set off next weekend, when the summer vacation officially begins. And, our purpose is to service the Olympic Games. The first stop is Nanjing, the world-renowned city for its beauty and mild temperature. We' II get there by train and stay there for 2 days, and then we'll head for Shanghai. After a 3-day stay there, we will give the coaches there a hand so that the game can be held smoothly. As everybody knows, Shanghai is the busiest city in this game, where we will undertake a lot of work, so the stay there will be about half a week. All together, our trip will last about three weeks.

It is necessary for us to 用在这里显得比较僵硬,缺乏亲和感。可以改为:Let me introduce our plans and arrangements to you.

“we will give the coaches there a hand”,用give a hand表达“帮助”太过口语话,改为:We will provide assistance to the coaches so that the games can go more smoothly.

这一段主要讲解志愿活动的具体安排,意思表达应清楚明了。作者的表达有点混乱,志愿活动的时间安排不清不楚。

Only these who have passed CET-4 and have kind-heart can apply for membership of the volunteers. If anybody are interested in this activities, please contact with the students union of our university.

此处应该用those而不是these:Only those who have passed CET-4 are eligible for application. We want our volunteers to be kind-hearted and passionate.

this activities (复数错用),contact with (with多余),用contact或get in touch with。

We’re sincerely welcome yours and just take action.

语法表达错误。改为:We sincerely welcome your participation. Please act immediately and submit your application.

修改后的作文:

We’re writing this email to recruit volunteers for the upcoming Olympic Games during the summer vocation. We do hope to see many students joining us. Your active participation in this activity will be highly appreciated.

Let me introduce our plans and schedules to you. On the next weekend, when the summer vacation officially begins, we will have a meeting and a training course to learn how to provide our services during the Olympic Games. We will take volunteering jobs in two cities. Firstly, we will travel to Nanjing, a city well known for its beauty and mild temperature. We'll go there by train and stay there for 2 days to assist player registrations. Then, we'll head for Shanghai, where we will provide assistance to the coaches so that the games can be carried out more smoothly. As everybody knows, Shanghai is the busiest city during the Olympic Games. Therefore, we will undertake a lot of work, and will stay there for two weeks.

Please be noted that only those who have passed CET-4 are eligible for application. We want our volunteers to be kind-hearted and passionate.

We sincerely welcome your participation. Please act immediately and submit your application to the Student Union of our university.

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