1、why do you never phone me?
Mrs Harris lives in a small village. Her husband is dead, but she has one son. He is twenty-one and his name is Geoff. He worked in the shop in the village and lived with his mother, but then he got work in a town and went ant lived there. Its name was Greensea. It was quite a long way from his mother's village, and she was not happy about this, but Geoff said, "There isn't any good work for me in the country, Mother, and I can get a lot of money in Greensea and send you some every week."
Mrs Harris was very angry last Sunday. She got in a train and went to her son's house in Greensea. Then she said to him, "Geoff, why do you never phone me?"
Geoff laughed. "But, Mother", he said, "you haven't got a phone."
"No," she answered, "I haven't, but YOU'VE got one!"
2、My servant will clean it
Two rich ladies were sharing a taxi and talking about the high cost of going anywhere by taxi.
One of the ladies said, 'Taxis are terribly expensive these days. The owners get a lot of money for nothing.'
'Yes,' said the other lady, 'and the drivers get such big tips that they soon become rich. They ought to be ashamed of themselves.'
One of the ladies was smoking a cigarette. After a minute or two she said to the other lady, 'Can you see an ashtray in this taxi? There isn't one on my side.'
'No,' said the other, 'there isn't one on this side either. Driver! Where is the ashtray in this taxi? Why haven't you got one?'
The driver, who had heard everything the ladies had said, answered, 'Oh, just drop the ashes on the carpet--I have a servant who comes in and cleans three days in the week!
3、Johnny is busy now
It was half-past eight in the morning. The telephone rang and Mary went to answer it. 'Hullo, who's that:' she asked.
'It's me--Peter.'
Peter was a friend of Mary's eight-year-old brother, Johnny.
'Oh, hullo, Peter. What do you want?' said Mary.
'Can I speak to Johnny?'
'No,' said Mary, 'you can't speak to him now. He is busy. He is getting ready for school. He is eating his breakfast. Grandmother is combing his hair. Sister is under the table, putting his shoes on. Mother is getting his books and putting them in his school bag. Goodbye, I've got to go now. I have to hold the door open. The school bus is coming.'
4、That man knows the future
Nasreddin was cutting a branch of a tree in his garden. While he was sawing, another man passed in the street. He stopped and said, 'Excuse me, but if you continue to saw that branch like that, you will fall down with it.' He said this because Nasreddin was sitting on the branch and cutting it at a place between himself and the trunk of the tree.
Nasreddin said nothing. He thought, 'This is some foolish person who has no work to do and goes about telling other people what to do and what not to do.'
The man continued on his way.
Of course, after a few minutes, the branch fell and Nasreddin fell with it.
'My God!' he cried. 'That man knows the future!' and he ran after him to ask how long he was going to live. But the man had gone.
5、The elephant did it
A man was travelling abroad in a small red car. One day he left the car and went shopping. When he came back, its roof was badly damaged. Some boys told him that an elephant had damaged it. The man did not believe them, but they took him to a circus which was near there. The owner of the elephant said, 'I am very sorry! My elephant has a big, round, red chair. He thought that your car was his chair, and he sat on it!' Then he gave the man a letter, in which he said that he was sorry and that he would pay for all the damage.
When the man got back to his own country, the customs officers would not believe his story. They said, 'You sold your new car while you were abroad and bought this old one!'
It was only when the man showed them the letter from the circus man that they believed him.
6、You'll soon get used to it?
An old man died and left his son a lot of money. But the son was a foolish young man, and he quickly spent all the money, so that soon he had nothing left. Of course, when that happened, all his friends left him. When he was quite poor and alone, he went to see Nasreddin, who was a kind, clever old man and often helped people when they had troubles.
'My money has finished and my friends have gone,' said the young man. 'What will happen to me now?'
'Don't worry, young man,' answered Nasreddn. 'Everything will soon be all right again. Wait, and you will soon feel much happier.'
The young man was very glad. 'Am I going to get rich again then?' he asked Nasreddin.
'No, I didn't mean that,' said the old man. 'I meant that you would soon get used to being poor and to having no friends.'
JOKE 3 When Mr Jones went to a restaurant one day, he left his coat near the door. There was nothing in the pockets of the coat when he left it, so he was very surprised when he took his coat after his meal and found the pockets full of jewellery!
There was a waiter near the door, so Mr Jones said to him, 'somebody has made a mistake. He has put some jewellery in my coat. Take it, and when he comes back, give it to him.' The waiter took it and went away. Suddenly another man came in with a coat just like Mr Jones's. 'I am sorry,' said this man. 'I made a mistake. I took your coat and you have got mine. Please give me my coat and jewellery.' Mr Jones answered, 'I gave the jewellery to the waiter. He will give it to you.'
Mr Jones called the manager of the restaurant; but the manager said, 'We have no waiters here. We only have waitresses.' 'You gave the jewellery to a thief!' shouted the other man. 'I shall call the police!' Mr Jones was frightened and paid the man a lot of money for the jewellery.
Do you remeber？你还记得吗？我们曾经的英语课文中有一篇扔鞋的搞笑课文，大致意思是有一个人每天回家很晚，每天脱鞋一甩，咚咚，楼下邻居都被吵醒，然后找到她让她小点声，转天她回来扔了一只，想起来楼下邻居就不扔了，结果楼下邻居一直等着她扔另一只，哈哈……
还有一个找眼镜的，原来就带在她的脸上……
回忆真的很美好，上学的时光一去不返，孩子们，珍惜校园的生活吧，当你长大后，离开校园时，你会满满的不舍，离开校园后，你会满满的回忆！小时候你想长大多好啊！长大了你想不长大多好啊！不同年龄不同想法，珍惜当下，开心就好！
